HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
