wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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