i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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