Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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