thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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