Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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