Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
