I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Randomize
