Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
