I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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