mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Princesses don't give blow jobs
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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