I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize
