I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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