I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
