so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
