the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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