I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
