You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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