Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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