everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
