i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
don't judge my taste in strippers
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
