dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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