look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
