The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
