Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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