absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
