he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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