The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
