So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
