Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
