I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
