I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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