that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
