How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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