He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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