I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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