i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
tonight lets celebrate not being married
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
