This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
false alarm, still single
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
