:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
you would pick up someone in the library
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
