my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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