I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Randomize
