My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
and she was petting her beer can
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
