I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
