Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
