Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
