Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
