Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You are a genius and a whore.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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