even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
