ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
