Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
