So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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