How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
