C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize