don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
