Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
