I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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