i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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