Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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