A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
