You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
