is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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