So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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