oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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