Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
