Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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